Paper 5

When I first wrote my Paper #3, I was extremely pleased with how it came out. After seeing the comments that you and my peer left me, I began to realize that I needed to revise my work to improve the structure. I believe that my first copy didn’t exactly get my point off as directly as I intended, therefore I strived to simplify and reduce. I added some words around the paper to help with the flow of my thoughts and added in more detailed sentences to bring up my point better.

To improve the quality of my paper I expanded on my strengths and improved my weaknesses. To fix my weaknesses, I removed unnecessary statements and useless information. Then, I removed the downfall of man idea and centralized the argument of isolation from society and losing our cultural roots. By removing this theory, I was able to present my ideas clearly and concisely. I centralized my argument and established the connection between paragraphs better and revised all of my weaknesses.

I will now explain how I expanded on my strengths in the paper. I believe to make the strengths of this paper clearer, I had to add in more details and simplify what sounded confusing. In doing this, I made my paper sound much better and made the paper flow much better when reading it. Another thing that was done to make the paper stronger was that I removed complex sentences and created a stronger connection between each paragraph. By doing so, I bridged my ideas thoroughly and clearly. I feel my strengths were improved greatly and expressed my argument efficiently. By improving my weaknesses and expanding my strengths, I feel I have improved the quality of my Paper #3 and made a much better, Paper #5.

Technology has been all around us ever since the beginning of time, whether it has been basic or advanced. With technology, we have been able to accomplish many things that were thought unimaginable. However, the article, “Disconnected Urbanism” and my New Yorker covers both suggest otherwise about the use of technology. Both argue that technology has become a form of isolation that has disconnected us from our urban life and will end up bringing us down. In looking at these covers and reading the article, the artists and author both believe that the dependence on technology can lead to our society becoming locked away from its traditional and cultural urban roots that cause it to thrive.

I left the first two sentences as is because I felt that they made the introduction strong and portrayed what I wanted to say in my argument for this paper. The next sentence was changed by removing words that were not needed. The fourth sentence was completely changed and simplified. I took out unnecessary words and changed up the way the sentence flowed. The last sentence was not changed because I like how the sentence sums intro and brings my topic to life.

In the article, "Disconnected Urbanism", Goldberger believes that technology has grown to become the reason why people are not connected to the world that is around them. This idea is presented clearly in this quote from the article: "When you walk along the street talking on a cell phone, you are not on the street sharing the communal experience of urban life. You are in some other place—someplace at the other end of your phone conversation.” When you are on the phone and walking around, you are focused on what conversation you're having instead of the sidewalk that you are walking on, therefore you are isolated from society. Another part of the article that supports the idea of being isolated from society is: "You are either on the phone or carrying one, and the moment it rings you will be transported out of real space into a virtual realm." Once the phone rings, you yourself disconnect from the people and events going on around you. While you are physically in the place that you are in, with a phone you are allowing yourself to become transported from the physical reality into a place of technological isolation, of just you and your cell phone. "Disconnected Urbanism" is the written form of how technology disconnects us from the urban world and the New Yorker covers are the visual representation of this.

I left the first few sentences the same, but added the therefore you are isolated from society to connect it to the next sentence. I also removed the sentences before and after the when you are on the phone and walking around statement because they simply just took up space and repeated already known information. I left the next sentence the same because it connected to the new sentence that was added to it. I changed the next sentence and removed confusing statements from it so that the paragraph could be more cohesive. The last sentence remained the same because I believe that it leads up to the New Yorker paragraphs perfectly.

In the New Yorker cover from May 30th, 1925, there is a town square with nothing, but cars all around with people who seemed to be trapped in the middle with no way to get out of the place that they are in. This cover shows how technology was one of the leading factors of people being disconnected from the urban world around them in the early 1900s. The people who are inside their cars are disconnected from society because they are in different realms of the same setting, just as people on their cell phones would be distracted from the life around them. These people are not experiencing the same atmosphere as those living around them. However, the people in the cars are also causing the people walking around to be disconnected from the society by causing a blockade from the urban life around them. The cars all around are leaving the people no choice, but to be isolated from the urban life around them.

In this paragraph, I left the first sentence the same because it explains the cover as what it simply is. However, I removed the second sentence because it didn’t really fit with the way the paragraph was flowing and could not be changed to fit into the paragraph. In the next sentence I added early to the year 1900, so that it could be identified as to what time period was being talked about. The next two sentences remained the same because they fit the way that paragraph was going and strengthened the idea of this paragraph. The next sentence was changed by removing the “because with the cars being all around” statement because it just made the sentence more complex than what it had to be. The last sentence was unchanged because it ended this paragraph how I felt it should be concluded.

Cars isolated people from the urban life that was going on around them outside of their vehicles and caused a blockade from society by making people feel as if they needed to purchase them. However, once TVs became available in the 1970s isolation from society started to become more and more apparent. In the second cover, we see that through TVs people began to isolate themselves by choice by staying at home watching TV rather than going out and experiencing life. In this cover, we see how people decide to become isolated with technology by their own choice. In the first cover, the people walking around had no choice, but to be stuck in the place they were in since all the cars were around them and did not allow them to go anywhere else. The cover brings up the point that with technology constantly around us we allow ourselves to not be connected to the world that is going on around us. In the cover, the couple inside of the TV watching a TV represents how if we allow ourselves to become trapped and caught up with technology, we will end up shutting ourselves out of society and life all around us. The TV is causing the couple to become trapped inside a virtual world and become isolated from the urban life by choice.

For this paragraph, I connected the first sentence to the ending of the third paragraph much more clearly and changed some of the wording of the sentence around to make it flow much better. I also changed around some of the words and the first sentence as well as divided it into two different sentences. The next few sentences remained the same because they explained what the cover and my argument was trying to portray and did not need to be changed around at all to fit the paragraph. The second to last sentence was changed around to be simpler and portray my idea in a coherent way. The last sentence was not changed because it showed the difference of time periods and ended this paragraph clearly.

TVs caused people to become isolated from society through their own decision, but in general any form of technology that we decide to use can cause us to become isolated. In the third cover Ascent of Man from May 14, 2007, we do not see one specific form of technology, rather the history of technology and evolution of it with mankind. This cover illustrates the evolution of man with technology in each time period. As time went by and man became more advanced so did the technology around him, as we can see from each different object that they are standing on. In the beginning we can see a monkey standing on top of rocks and as time goes by, each man’s physical features and clothing changes, as well as the platform that they are standing on. From this we see how man has always advanced and strived to perfect technology to help themselves, no matter what the problem may have been. In each section of the time period, we see one man who is up top and isolated from anyone else around them. From this, the cover is trying to tell us that technology may always be beneficial to us and help us get where we want to go, but in the end depending on technology will only lead us to become isolated from the society around us and lead to us being alone with no technology as we can see at the end of the cover with the man falling over. The cover creates the sense that technology will always be the driving force of society, but that it will eventually destroy the society around us. Technology has built up society since we see the people going upwards, but that there’s a certain point where technology will not always be there and will lead us to go downwards with no way back up, like the broken escalators at the end of the cover. The cover supports the idea that technology has disconnected us from society and will lead to man becoming so focused on improvement that we’ll end up causing more problems than solutions by wanting to become this advanced technological society.

I established the connection with the fourth paragraph’s last sentence by fixing the first sentence of this paragraph and removed the idea of the downfall of man from the paragraph. I changed the “them” in the middle of the next sentence and added him so that the sentence could sound clearer. I added in a new sentence with examples of what the cover portrays and how it supports the argument that I have in this paper. I removed the comma from the next sentence because it did not have to be placed there. I changed the next sentence by removing the downfall idea and changing it to fit the isolation theme that is present throughout the whole paper. The next sentence was not changed because it fit with what the paragraph has stated. A comma was added after the up and before the like in the statement “will lead us to go downwards with no way back up.” The next sentence was changed around so that it could be simpler and fit in with the theme better. The last sentence "This cover illustrates the evolution of man with technology in each time period.” was moved to become the third sentence because it explains what the cover is about and fits better at the beginning of the paragraph.

The covers that I have chosen all represent the theme of isolation from technology. Eventually we will fall behind our innovations, and we will rely heavily on money and many various other resources just to simply keep up and stay connected with society and other factors. If we continue to constantly depend on technology we will end up becoming disconnected from the urban life around us due to us not realizing that our cultural roots are being taken away from us with the abundance of technology. If we continue to depend on technology we will all become people who are lost in a virtual world with no way out.

The first sentence was not changed because it summarizes the common theme that is present from the covers. I added a few words to the paragraph to improve the structure of the language. I removed the sentence “As our technology continues to advance… because it seemed to fit more with downfall theme rather than the isolation that I have in the paper. The next sentence was changed and stated what technology is doing to our life now with how it is taking us away from our cultural roots. The last sentence was changed so that it could fit all people rather than just one person.

Final Essay

As Americans have grown throughout time, their connection to the civil and lively neighborhoods that used to exist have become disconnected and damaged. We used to live in a time where the design of our buildings and setting of our towns were similar, connected to us, and made us feel as if we were one with society. Kunstler believes that we have become blind to the kind of changes that we have made over time. He argues that we now only believe in the commercial and industrial life and have now become consumers rather than citizens of the towns that we live in. While reading his argument, and viewing the New Yorker covers, we can visualize and understand how we have become disconnected from the city life and attached to the suburban culture that now exists.

In Kunstler’s argument, we can understand how city life has changed since our cities were first built and made. We now only focus on what people want to be entertained by and what makes our life easier, instead of the places that just allowed to stay connected to our city and enjoy what the city life had to offer us. Kunstler argues that we do not notice what is around us and how things have changed. We do not see that the design of our cities now is nothing compared to what once existed. In his argument, Kunstler states that, “we ceased to speak of ourselves as citizens and labeled ourselves consumers.” What this means now, is that instead of living and thriving in the city that we live in, we expect the city to give to us and make us feel good. With this, we are taking away from the city and stripping it of its roots, rather than building it up and brining back what once was our civil and lively city.

The New Yorker covers each show a significant way of how time has changed from the past to the present. In each of the covers we see a different time period with a different design, yet they all have a common simple underlying message in each of them: how the design of our city has lead us to become disconnected and focused on an urban way of living. In the first cover from 1936, we see many people bunched up with no way of getting out of the elevator in which they are in. This cover shows how as our city becomes more advanced and technical, we will always be stuck fighting for a way to get out of what we have brought ourselves into by trying to become more urban. The cover shows how becoming more complex can lead to future difficulties and conflict amongst the people around us because of our want to benefit from our city rather than making our city a better place. In the second cover from 1970, we see how the city design has changed and become more complex. This is what Kunstler is arguing about in his passage. We are changing how our city looks and making it more appealing to ourselves rather than leaving the traditional look that used to exist. In the next cover from 1974, we see the design change of the city. In it we can see a tall building with large glass windows and other buildings being reflected in the windows. The buildings have now become taller and more complex rather than simple and small like they used to be. This proves what Kunstler is saying with the way that our city is now looking. We have stripped the city of its original look and have made it an advanced urban place for us to live in.

The next cover from 2001 shows a woman who seems to be trying to sell an apartment to a couple. What seems to have captured the couple is the great view of the city and how the buildings look. In this cover, the idea of urban living is now apparent and satisfying to people. In the cover, we do not see anything, but tall buildings with large windows, this shows how our city has now become this large display for people to enjoy more rather than to live in. If we continue to make these decisions in making a city that appeals to the eye and brings us enjoyment, we will lose the connection that we have to the city like the cover from 2007 shows. We will end becoming people who just wander the city aimlessly with nothing but tall buildings trapping us inside of this “ideal” place.

As time has gone by, our city has changed drastically and has lost the appeal that it once had. We have become a society that is focused on living an urban life that has no connection to the city life that we once had. As our population developed with our city, we added many additions while also accepting different and unique influences. Although only some of the original city we live in today still exists, it is clear that with urbanization, we have not only grown from what we once were, but separated ourselves from it too.

Paper #4- Peer Review

In this paper, the thesis presented by the writer is that technology was a way of connecting people and bringing them together. However, now technology is becoming a way to bring people apart. The central theme in this paper is the concept of travel and how technology has grown from benefitting groups of people early on in time, to now becoming a way to benefit one’s self. The paper is about the advancement of technology from being a connector of societies and cultures to now becoming a way to bring about individual advancement. In it, the concept of technology and how it affects us in our current location is stressed greatly.

This writer uses good language and has good ideas. However, I feel as if his ideas could be expanded on with great detail, as seen in this quote: “This cover explores the use of technology to connect people on a wide scale.” I believe that the writer should analyze the cover more thoroughly and provide details that support his statements. “Individualism ties into this cover with the use of the campers, but the people are still connected with society and interacting with each other.” The writer needs to use more evidence from his cover and he should re-evaluate his choice of words. The last cover has great potential to have ideas to be expanded on but as seen here: “People use the subway to travel to and from work, meetings, home etc… Once in the carts each person becomes isolated and they do not participate in conversation,” the writer needs to provide more description. The conclusion: “On the other hand, cell phones have been connecting people but also have been causing a great deal of isolation. For the most part this technology has helped make our nation come together but also made isolation more present,” presents separate ideas rather than tying the entire essay together and relating it directly to the thesis. Lastly I believe the writer should revise the essay as I have noticed a few small grammatical mistakes.

Overall you should revise your essay by correcting the simple grammatical mistakes shown in the essay. You should analyze your covers and expand on them with great details. Ask yourself why often, and if your answer isn’t already written in your essay, than add the answer. By expanding what is in your mind, you are expressing your ideas and bringing them to life. By doing so, you are providing the reader with some sort of a better understanding of what you are trying to show in your essay. I found the essay interesting, but it has the potential to be better.